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I'm a mother, wife, grandmother, daughter, sister, friend. I'm a self-taught potter. I make beads from clay and jewelry from my beads. Follow me on my online journal as I toss around ideas from my life and from my studio.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Exploration-whether you want to or not

I should have no trouble with this month's ABS Carnival Blog Theme of Exploration. I am suddenly and unexpectedly embarking on a whole new journey at a time in my life when I was very comfortable staying just where I was. As one friend put it, "It's the end of an era".

I lost my most cherished, beloved friend, lover, husband and confidant last week. I have no choice but to explore lots of other possibilites. Everything in my life changed in one instant. This is the first time in my life ever that I will live alone. But I am not alone.

I will explore options by myself that I would never have dreamed of doing by myself. Buying a smaller home. Deciding what to keep, what to part with. Deciding what to eat for dinner, what to watch on tv without regard for anyone else. But I do so completely shored up by his memory and his strength. I can feel him holding me up and keeping me strong.

There is a poem by Ruth Bell Graham in her book Sitting by my laughing fire... called Plenty and in it she says,

I have been
so generously provided for
in happiness,
good memories,
and true friends;
and more than all-
His presence and His Word;
perhaps it is a "sign,"
as mountain people say,
that winter is to be
a tough one.
If that is so,
let it be;
my larders are well stocked."

My larders are well stocked. So off I go to explore.


  1. Cindy - I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I am sending thoughts and prayers your way, and am in awe of your strength and perspective!

  2. Cindy, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Stray strong and think of all the wonderful memories you have.

  3. Cindy...I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My heart goes out to you..as well as prayers and thoughts.

  4. i am so sorry to hear of your loss.
    my prayers are with you.

  5. I have no words. I am thinking of you.

  6. Sorry to hear this, deep breathes and big hugs

  7. Cindy,
    I am thinking of you and your family. What a wonderful tribute to your husband you have written.

    wishing you peace,

  8. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers and I'm very sorry for your loss.
    Don't forget you have a wonderful beading community to reach out to if you ever need to. We'll all here for you.

  9. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I truly admire your strength.

  10. I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  11. So sorry about your loss. Hope you keep in touch with the 'bead' world. There's lots of us out here to bounce your thoughts off of. Keep strong and remember the memories.


  12. Nothing I can say can fix what you are going through. My heart breaks for you. Please know that I am hear for you if ever you need a shoulder. And BOC is also here for you as your extended family. Take it one minute at a time......

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  14. Ooh my gosh, I'm just reading this. I wish I had the proper words. I know we don't know each other but please DO know that my heart and ear are both here for you.

  15. Dear Cindy, I'm crying as I read this and I am so sorry for your loss; you have written such beautiful words about your husband and your love. I found myself wondering how I would feel if I lost my husband and don't think I could be as strong as you. My thoughts are with you.

  16. So sorry for your loss, Cindy. Hope you're able to tap into a network of family and friends to help you through such a difficult time. My thoughts are with you.

  17. Thank you everyone for your comments. I tried to reach each of you by email but was unable to find some of your email addresses. I have read each comment over and over and they bring me strength. Thank you for taking the time.

  18. Cindy...so sorry for your loss. Sending many, many hugs your way during this difficult time. I'm hear to chat any time. Take care of yourself!

  19. My heart breaks for you.. I am so sorry for your loss...I hope the love and support of friends and family can keep you safe and secure during this difficult time and I hope that this unexpected change in your life brings forth only good things for you.

    much love...

  20. Cindy,
    So very sorry for your loss. I understand, I've been there. Many thoughts and prayers are with you.

  21. I am so sorry for you loss. I know words do not make the pain go away, but please know that my prayers are with you.

    I love the beautiful poem!

  22. my sincerest condolences....may you find peace in your memories